Hosting Orphans~NEXT Monday, in 6 days, less than a week..

..2 of "my" children will get on a plain and return to Ukr@ine.

I had no idea we would fall so in love with these kids. I also know I can say safely "we". I can at least speak for the 4 people that live in this house and am fully confident in several others! I will be eternally grateful for this. Who doesn't want everyone to love "their" children. When I first found out about this whole orphan hosting opportunity I didn't really know what to expect; of hosting, of orphans, of other people or of myself. I have gotten way more than I have bargained from from all of the above! Some good, some not so good. As always. And as always, I will probably focus on both.

Back to my expectations. Which are always high. Sometimes fortunately, sometimes... not so much. I know  that not everyone (outside this house) was on board, understood, nor cared about hosting orphan, orphans in general, changing the world etc... But for those that have supported us, maybe in spite of  how they felt (or didn't feel) about it, we thank you! And for those of us who have truly come to love these "kids", and by kids I mean teens, I doubly thank you! It is not easy to love teens! It's difficult to love our own sometimes. It is. Admit it. But people who have spent time with Denis and Lena somehow just understand. Maybe it's because they love us. Maybe they see their plight. Maybe the thought of Denis being homeless a month after he returns to his orphanage is reality when you look at this beautiful, funny, playful boy with a cute accent struggling to speak English. It can be difficult to actually stare reality in the face. As it should be. Maybe if we had to do it more often things would change.

But in less than a week they have to go back. LESS THAN. That just now stuck out to me. Are they? Less than? They are not. They are lovely. They are deserving. Just like any one of our kids. Any one of your kids. They are all they same. We are all they same. No one is more deserving. But they have to go back. We can not legally keep them here and that totally stinks and I do not know how I'm going to be able to a handle it! Am I going to fall apart? I am. But I will survive. Have I done enough? I have not. Can I do enough. I cannot. Not in a week. Maybe not in a lifetime. But I hope I get that chance. I hope we get that chance.

There are days I feel defeated. That describes the last couple days. I do try. At times I feel like I cannot do enough. That there is not enough. I am too small and the problems are too big and the harder I try there will be people around the corner to blindside me and distract me from important things. I hate letting myself become distracted and hurt and discouraged. But I am. I want to build walls, but if I do can the important stuff get in. How is it possible to filter out the unimportant and stay focused on the important. Does it matter. Are things just too far gone to be saved. Are there too many starfish and not enough people who care. Is that why people had rather focus on things that distract rather than working together and laying aside our own pain to heal someone else's. I think we can only be healed by healing each other. Maybe I'm wrong. But do I want to be healed by all myself or do I want to see the world  healed too. Can we all be healed and whole? I don't know. But we all choose to either be a healer or a distraction. Sometimes it's easier to distract. Distract from the pain and harsh reality of life. But sometimes it needs faced. Head-on. If we live in distraction and drama, trying to numb reality, nothing will get done. Nothing will get better and no one will be healed. If we all work together we all can be healed. It's a daily, sometimes minute by minute choice.

Sometimes we do need a little distraction from the pain. Some fun. Beauty. But not at another's expense. We should hold each other in high regard. Treat each other the way we want to be treated. Weather it's our neighbor, brother, sister, mom, an orphan, the inconsiderate driver  or someone you are selling something to on craigslist.

We can be distracted, a distraction or a healer. Our choice. And it matters. I must believe it matters.



The Starfish Story - 
There was a young man walking down a deserted beach just before dawn. In the distance he saw a frail old man. As he approached the old man, he saw him picking up stranded starfish and throwing them back into the sea. The young man gazed in wonder as the old man again and again threw the small starfish from the sand to the water. He asked, "Old man, why do you spend so much energy doing what seems to be a waste of time." The old man explained that the stranded starfish would die if left in the morning sun. "But there must be thousands of beaches and millions of starfish!"exclaimed the young man. "How can you make any difference?" The old man looked at the small starfish in his hand and as he threw it to the safety of the sea, he said, "It makes a difference to this one!".
-Author unknown