Hosting Orphans~The Day After and Two Empty Beds

Two empty beds. That is the physical evidence left here of our month with Denis and Lena. They showed up here a little over a month ago with nothing and they left very little behind. I hope they took a whole lot more than 50 pounds of of clothing and gifts stuffed in rolling duffles and heavy backpacks with them. Although the beds are empty here I know the hearts are full!! Lots of hearts! Old hearts, young hearts, baby hearts. Maybe even a few changed hearts. On both side of the ocean. Isn't that what it's really all about? The hearts.

I woke up this morning and sent some prayers and positive thoughts out for them knowing they were touching down in Ukr@ine. I was doing well until I went to wake up Levi and Bella, to try and get a routine going before school start tomorrow. And there they were. Two empty beds. I could barely make it back to my room before I lost it! I knew this was going to be difficult. Be I did not expect to feel this grief for them. I hope they know how much they are loved! I do not want them to feel overwhelmingly sad. But I do want them to feel what they need to feel in order to make the right choices here. 

Do they miss those beds? I hope so. I realize it may take a while, but we do not have a lot of time to play with! The dynamics of their situation, and all kids raised in orphanages, are difficult to understand. Even though they live in a kind of bondage, they have a kind of freedom we don't understand also. They self parent and are very close to their piers in the orphanage. They are siblings.  So even though it is not a "home", it is all they know. And for the older ones the decision to leave there permanently is a HUGE one. It is equivalent to walking away from family. We have spoken with people who have been adopted and they said they struggled with guilt for leaving the other kids behind. And seeing what a caregivers they are, especially Denis, I can't imagine how difficult it is to give us an answer on being adopted. But if we do not here form him soon the answer will automatically be no because we will run out of time before he turns 18. I pray he gets a clear revelation of their future really soon! The thought of him becoming homeless in September, even for 1 night before making this decision is to much for me to think about!

I hope this new day as they sat foot back on their home soil will bring clarity and answers for them both. May everything look different to them now now that they have something to compare it to. May they understand how loved they are. May they feel the warm thoughts and prayers being sent (please send!). May everything they see remind them of us. May they fell our love. May the memories flood their mind every time they look at their photo books or catch a familiar smell. May their dreams be filled with their time here. 

May they miss the two empty beds.

Hosting Orphans~2 Days and The Big Picture

Reflecting on today, the last week and and this whole month I cannot believe how things can change so quickly. So quickly! An instant. Words can be exchanged and relationships altered forever. Be it lovely vows or hurtful word. Maybe even an unintended, but wrongly taken look, smirk or tone of voice. One week we may be eagerly awaiting dinner out with friends on a much needed Friday night, and a few later we are watching an orphan teach our son how to pop wheelies in our driveway. Things, people, attitudes, lives, times; they all change. But can we trust the change? I don't know. Do I need to believe we can? I do.

The last month has brought bigger change to our house than we ever could have imagined! When we picked Denis & Lena up at the airport late on June 26th we had no idea 1 short, no long, no short, no long, no...WHATEVER! month later we would be so eager to ask them to join our family. We have had a month of getting to know each other, spending time, bonding, doing very normal family things. We had to do the necessary, but fun (except to our wallet) things, like shopping for clothes and groceries. Lots of groceries. We also found ways to show them a good time without building up their expectations of us, or further skewing their view of America or especially of love, and without further stressing our wallet. Those are the things they enjoyed the most. We visited "Papa" at the fire station and got boat rides on the canal, the boys enjoyed bike riding and fishing, lots of swimming, good old fashion driveway basketball, drawing, listening to music and just running around looking for free things to do. Together. We all enjoyed those things the most too! There may be a few things in there we have lost site of and need to refocus our attention. 

Returning to Ukr@ine in just 2 days. There are a couple things I don't like about even typing that! Well more than a couple, but I'll be brief. First, having to veil my words in case the wrong person or powers that be were to stumble onto this little ole blog. That's right you would not believe the scrutiny and danger this hosting program and international adoption is constantly under. It is truly unbelievable! We have been educated, warned and begged and pleaded with to be careful not to do anything to jeopardize these kids, the program or the future of international adoption and orphan care. Not just by this organization, but by others I follow. It's difficult to think that the world is not peaceful and free. But it by no means is. Which is another reason I hate writing "Returning to Ukr@ine". I know some don't believe it can be that bad. Okay.

Because it by no means is peaceful and free, what can we do to further that cause? Do we rescue children? Certainly. What if they don't want rescued? Our 2 are old enough, over 8 years old in U, to decide if they want to be adopted. We do not know what they will say. They do not know what to say. They have been abused, neglected, un-parented and God know what all of their lives. Then they are plopped down in the middle of paradise (to them), but without anyone or anything they know. The are totally ignorant of their own fate, of their own government, their own condition and that of the world and it's dangers in general. How can they make this decision? What if they say "no"? As much as I do not want to think about this, it is a real possibility. What can I tell myself to make ME feel better about them saying "no". To them turning down what could very possibly be the difference between life and death, slavery and freedom. 

Today I must believe their is a big picture. Today. They will leave on Monday after only 1 month with us. If they never return to us have we given them enough to meet the goal we had when we decided to host. The lofty goal of seed planting. Tiny seeds of love and hope that they can take back and show to their friends and perhaps future children that they would never have know had they not come here? Is a month enough to show 2 teens how to break the cycle of abuse and neglect with love a patience? Are they stronger than they were before they came? Can they go back and stand up and do better and be better than the previous generation in Ukr@aine has done? Over 300 orphans, abandoned and broken children were hosted this year from 3 countries. As difficult is to send them back and even more difficult to think they will say "No" to returning to us, is "The Big Picture" going to be positively affected by their remaining in their own countries? Is it ridiculous to even think that a month is enough to make a difference in someone's life! We have 18 years to raise our own children and look around at how that turns out at times. Maybe we take time for granted. Is this how we change the world for the better? A bit at time least? It's easy to want to change to world, but to raise kid's and send the out to change the world is a difficult thing to do. Whether you've had a month or 18 years. 

I promise this, I will fight for these kids with all that I have within me no matter where they are! Just like I would my very own flesh and  blood!   

My, how quickly things change.

Hosting Orphans~NEXT Monday, in 6 days, less than a week..

..2 of "my" children will get on a plain and return to Ukr@ine.

I had no idea we would fall so in love with these kids. I also know I can say safely "we". I can at least speak for the 4 people that live in this house and am fully confident in several others! I will be eternally grateful for this. Who doesn't want everyone to love "their" children. When I first found out about this whole orphan hosting opportunity I didn't really know what to expect; of hosting, of orphans, of other people or of myself. I have gotten way more than I have bargained from from all of the above! Some good, some not so good. As always. And as always, I will probably focus on both.

Back to my expectations. Which are always high. Sometimes fortunately, sometimes... not so much. I know  that not everyone (outside this house) was on board, understood, nor cared about hosting orphan, orphans in general, changing the world etc... But for those that have supported us, maybe in spite of  how they felt (or didn't feel) about it, we thank you! And for those of us who have truly come to love these "kids", and by kids I mean teens, I doubly thank you! It is not easy to love teens! It's difficult to love our own sometimes. It is. Admit it. But people who have spent time with Denis and Lena somehow just understand. Maybe it's because they love us. Maybe they see their plight. Maybe the thought of Denis being homeless a month after he returns to his orphanage is reality when you look at this beautiful, funny, playful boy with a cute accent struggling to speak English. It can be difficult to actually stare reality in the face. As it should be. Maybe if we had to do it more often things would change.

But in less than a week they have to go back. LESS THAN. That just now stuck out to me. Are they? Less than? They are not. They are lovely. They are deserving. Just like any one of our kids. Any one of your kids. They are all they same. We are all they same. No one is more deserving. But they have to go back. We can not legally keep them here and that totally stinks and I do not know how I'm going to be able to a handle it! Am I going to fall apart? I am. But I will survive. Have I done enough? I have not. Can I do enough. I cannot. Not in a week. Maybe not in a lifetime. But I hope I get that chance. I hope we get that chance.

There are days I feel defeated. That describes the last couple days. I do try. At times I feel like I cannot do enough. That there is not enough. I am too small and the problems are too big and the harder I try there will be people around the corner to blindside me and distract me from important things. I hate letting myself become distracted and hurt and discouraged. But I am. I want to build walls, but if I do can the important stuff get in. How is it possible to filter out the unimportant and stay focused on the important. Does it matter. Are things just too far gone to be saved. Are there too many starfish and not enough people who care. Is that why people had rather focus on things that distract rather than working together and laying aside our own pain to heal someone else's. I think we can only be healed by healing each other. Maybe I'm wrong. But do I want to be healed by all myself or do I want to see the world  healed too. Can we all be healed and whole? I don't know. But we all choose to either be a healer or a distraction. Sometimes it's easier to distract. Distract from the pain and harsh reality of life. But sometimes it needs faced. Head-on. If we live in distraction and drama, trying to numb reality, nothing will get done. Nothing will get better and no one will be healed. If we all work together we all can be healed. It's a daily, sometimes minute by minute choice.

Sometimes we do need a little distraction from the pain. Some fun. Beauty. But not at another's expense. We should hold each other in high regard. Treat each other the way we want to be treated. Weather it's our neighbor, brother, sister, mom, an orphan, the inconsiderate driver  or someone you are selling something to on craigslist.

We can be distracted, a distraction or a healer. Our choice. And it matters. I must believe it matters.



The Starfish Story - 
There was a young man walking down a deserted beach just before dawn. In the distance he saw a frail old man. As he approached the old man, he saw him picking up stranded starfish and throwing them back into the sea. The young man gazed in wonder as the old man again and again threw the small starfish from the sand to the water. He asked, "Old man, why do you spend so much energy doing what seems to be a waste of time." The old man explained that the stranded starfish would die if left in the morning sun. "But there must be thousands of beaches and millions of starfish!"exclaimed the young man. "How can you make any difference?" The old man looked at the small starfish in his hand and as he threw it to the safety of the sea, he said, "It makes a difference to this one!".
-Author unknown

Hosting Orphans~11 More Days

Yesterday was much anticipated, especially by Lena, "salon day".  Which only meant they were getting a hair cut. But she was looking so very forward to it. We had looked at pictures on-line all week for a hairstyle she liked, with no clear winner by the time we got there. So Denis went first. We looked at books and she tried to communicate what she had in mind. She has very fuzzy hair. Not curly, and not manageable I have learned. She wanted a sleek style. I wanted her to understand that the stylist could achieve that, but just for the day. I became very difficult to explain to her that once she washed her hair it was going to go back to frizzy and that a straightening iron was not a permanent solution (no, she will not have access to one back at the orphanage). The language barrier was not helping so I suggested calling the translator, which is always available to us. But she has resisted this the whole time she has been here. I realized that for some reason she she thinks she is in trouble when I suggest calling the translator. At this point at the salon it appears she is going to have a total melt down, as only teen girls can. Tears start to well up in her eyes, she puts her hair back into a ponytail and say "no, no hair cut". Then I see it. The woundedness. The fear. I do not know this precious girl's story of why she ended up in a Ukr@inian orphanage 6 years ago, but what she is carrying is heavy and very ugly. I can see physical scars, but the pain and emotional scars are deep. The translator is a woman (a nice woman) and she shuts down every time she has to speak to her. She was willing not to get her hair cut, after being so excited about it, rather than risking upsetting me, the stylist or the translator. When I saw this pain in her eyes it broke my heart.

I managed to calm her and love her through it. But at one point when I felt her resistance to me. When I could acutely feel her pain, I wanted to run away. It brought up pain in me, old wounds. It is difficult to stand with someone, especially when you are doing something "nice" for them, at tell them it's ok, you will not leave them. You will not judge them. When you know it is coming from such a place of pain. There was no brattiness or entitlement there. Just a raw soul with nowhere to hide. I could tell she wanted to hide. I wanted to hide. All I could do was hug her and Google translate "Momma just wants Lena to have fun", "don't be upset", "it's ok". She did calm down and get her hair done. I called the translator later at had her explain how much I loved her and that when I suggest calling her it doesn't mean she is in trouble, just that we need better communication at that time. She seemed better after that.

Everyone has a story. There most certainly are people who are self centered because they have had too much attention and have always been lead to believe that the universe revolves around them! This monster does not need fed. But those who have been deprived of healthy affection, attention and attentiveness (which could also include the over materially indulged), and have suffered abuse need to be given a big doses love and affection. The only antidote I know to abuse and neglect is love. Real "I will stick with you and hug you through the pain" kinda love. I just wish I had more that a month to give that to Denis and Lena. But I only have 11 more day until I have to put them on a plain and send them back. I hope I have made a difference. That WE have made a difference. The hugs. Pedicures with new sisters.  Fishing and golf with new brothers.  Hair cuts. Cousins. Rides in sports cars. Sketch pads. Shopping. Pizza. Coats. Red shoes. Tooth Fairy money. Swims. Bike rides. Endless trips to the "supermarket". Papa at the firehouse. Late night roughhousing. Laughter. Lots of laughter.

Many tears.

Hosting Orphans~Balance, Boogers and Ignorance

In two weeks and two day we put them on a plain and send them back. How? After just a short time with them I see their resilience, their strength. But where is mine!? What will I do? How can I find balance now. Is there balance? Will I ever go a day, a minute without thinking, praying, wondering how they are, where they are? I hope not. I do not want to return to "normal". I cannot. I can no longer bury my head in my own little world and believe that it encompasses THE world, or THE world encompasses it. I will not. I will make a conscience effort not to. I will keep myself aware of the hurt and need of other. I will give. I will ask. I will seek. I will bug other to do so too. But I will find balance.

The first few days of hosting was very emotionally raw. The reality hit home of lives unlike ours. Orphans were given faces. Then we settled in and fell in love. Then grief came and we prayed for joy. To be able to live in the moment. Joy came. Much joy!  Denis can be quite the clown. Lina is opening up day by day. He enjoy his new English sentence "Lena eats boogers". We all do to, except Lena. Then during our English lesson on Thursday Lena comes out with "Denis is stoopid"(no idea where she learned it!). But accent included, I swear she sounded like she was from Jersey! Again laughter!!

There will be laughter. But I know it is worthless with out recognizing and validating the tears. Just as wealth is useless without recognition and relief of poverty. One is meant to relieve the other. Not to ignore it. We much reach a balance of using the positive to relive the negative in our lives, not to ignore it. Ignorance relives nothing.

Ignorant no more.

Orphan Hosting~I'm Surprised You're Surprised!

I am technically blogging twice in one day given that my last post was after midnight, which has and will rarely happen! I do well to get a post in once a week. But tody I had someone ask me something I have heard several times lately and it just really surprises me. Every. Time. "Why are you doing this?", they ask. "Why am I doing what?" I reply. "Going to such great lengths to help these kids?", she replied today. "Why wouldn't I?" is usually my response. (I honestly do not say, or do these things for any personal recognition or pats on the back. I hope I never, never come across that way.)

I am honestly trying to understand why people would not want to help each other. I do understand some people do not understand, nor do they agree with "Hosting" orphans. We have been told by several people that they think it is mean to bring them here and show them the "good life" and send them back to the orphanage. Two things: these are older kids who have a less than 1% chance of ever being adopted IF they are never hosted, and a 66% chance of being adopted if hosted. Those are odds I'll take!! Also, they are older and interviewed prior to hosting and told it is an opportunity for an American vacation ONLY. No indication for adoption is ever made. We aren't allowed to even discuss it while they are here. BUT, they can be asked once they return if they would like to be adopted by the host family, or another family they meet while they are in the US if a family so chooses to ask.

Back to surprise reactions. Is it that uncommon for people to be helpful? I don't mean watching your neighbors cat or dropping your tithe or offering in the collection plate at church. I mean REALLY having a burning desire to make a difference. I realized today after our conversation how utterly surprised people are by generosity. Not just ours, I know lots of generous people. So I guess I don't see it as that uncommon. Is it? Carl says it is. He says people tell him he is generous to a fault. Is that possible? Why do people not want to step out of their comfort zones to make the world a better place? Comfort I guess? People do not blink at spending $40K on a car, it's actually a status symbol. But $35K to save 2 precious lives from a life of living hell. Well, now that's a different story!

Today I did elaborate a bit more than "Why wouldn't I?". I told her taking care of people is God's work, especially kids. I have no need to feel righteous, religious or justified. None at all. I really do just want to make the world a better place. It's not just going to magically become a better place. But some days all the negativity begins to get scary and I feel like maybe it won't ever be a better place and kids will always be left orphaned and there will always be wars and Love will not win. That scares me! I refuse to believe it! I will help one person at a time all by myself if I have to. But I refuse to believe I will have to do it all by myself I choose to believe that deep down people are good and eventually we will "get it" and some how salvation will take hold and hell will be defeated and we will leave our children and grandchildren a better world than we found.

I do not know how much good I can actually do, but I'll die trying.

Orphan Hosting~Week 2 in Full Swing; Waste vs. Value

I can't believe the kids have been here for over a week. We have experienced so much together already. The language barrier has been the biggest obstacle to overcome, but we are managing. We found iTranslate with voice recognition last night, #lifesaver! Lena and I could finally have a decent conversation. I asked her who her best friends at the orphanage are and what they like to do. She said they like to dance and fix each others hair. I love her innocence. She said she would like to take presents back to them of perfumes, bath and hair products. Looks like a trip to Bath and Body Works is in our future. Denis says he has a girl friend and a favorite teacher that has helped him out a lot in school that he would also like to take back some perfume for. 

The highlights of last week, were fireworks of course and their first trip to the firehouse to see "papa". They were so excited I'm not sure they slept the night before. The ooo'ed and aaaaah'ed the rest of the way, as soon as the Indy downtown skyline came into view. They really enjoyed the canal and papa fixed them up with a ride on the paddle boats. They climbed on the fire trucks like all our little ones have done their whole lives. It is so enlightening and refreshing to see things that have become "old hat" through new eyes again. I have really been trying to look at people and things through the eyes of an orphan since I have met them. It is eye opening! Sometimes it make me ever so grateful and other times it just really makes my blood boil!  

Why would it make my blood boil, you ask? (If you didn't ask, or don't want to know then just go ahead and stop reading right now, I'm sure there is some "reality" TV show calling your name or you can go press your tie for "church") My blood boils at the waste, mostly. Wasted time, wasted energy, wasted money, wasted resources and wasted minds. On the way to get these kids more NECESSITIES (like shoes) today I passed at least 4 "churches". Big buildings actually. I thought of the MILLIONS spent on brick and mortar, signage, power bills, phone bills, employees salaries, blah, blah, blah........ Do these organizations do SOME good? Of course they do. TV preachers do SOME good. False profits/cult leaders do SOME good. The government does SOME good. Do they do what they claim they are called to do by The One they claim to follow? Well, as much as any teen girl NEEDS a $500 prom dress! Waste. It's more about justification that anything. "Religion" isn't about God's work. It's about appeasing God. It about "I need to make sure I am right" (i.e. pride). I believe true reliogion is described in the letter of James chapter 1 verse 27.

Everyone is so concerned about what everyone thinks, says, does, wears etc... that nothing gets DONE! Who cares!? Let's take care of each other! We need to value. Value needs to replace waste. Waste and value can not coexist. 

"Whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me"~Jesus

Orphan Hosting~Day 4 & 5 Deserving Children

Today was business as usually around here with a house full, just like we like it! Lena loves when the babies are here. They both enjoy having all the family around and ask when will people come visit. We have (informal) daily English lessons and they also get their journals and practice without being prompted by us. They really want to learn English and feel apart of everything here. We want them to be apart of everything here. They are learing pretty quickly with new words coming every day. It's been chilly and rainy, so not a lot of outdoors or pool time. But Denis, Bella and Levi got some fishing in while Lena and me looked at hair styles and listened to Justin Beieber. That girl can sing every word to his songs, IN ENGLISH! So now I'm humming good ole JB all day long. Great! (totally worth it , btw!). Every where we go she makes sure every moment gets captured, "mom, cheese?", which mean take a photo. They are getting more relaxed and joking around with each other and us. Even if we can't understand them we can tell they are just being silly with us and it's funny. We are enjoying the lightness of trying to live in them moment! 

She is more vocal than him, he more sporty and outdoorsy. She wants her hair cut, hair chalk, high tops,  and they both LOVE sunglasses! She insisits on everyone being in the photos and asked if I would "make into memories page for to take?".  She love shopping and they both love to got to "supermarket", he said he would like to see "Amerisky footsball" and race cars. Guess where we need to go? 

Yesterday we went to a gathering of like minded spiritual people and had a pitch-in afterwards, which the host kids loved! I'm sure they have never seen that much food! They ate very well! I know they must feel awkward being around all those strangers, not even speaking the language. They introduce themselves and say "nice to meet you", just like we taught them. They are gracious and kind. They are very brave. Given all they have been through I'd say if anyone has a right to be ungrateful, unkind and bitter, it would be them! But they are not. They are just thankful to be here, even if it's for a short time. They would be fully justified in asking someone, anyone of us "why hasn't anyone come for us? Why are we all being let there? Why must we be left to suffer this fate?".

I gave a good long looked at all the children around here today and tried to decide which ones deserved this "good life" and which ones didn't. When I think of "my two" orphans going back and the "fate" that  awaits them it absolutely breaks my heart! And what fate is that? Orphans in Eastern Europe "age out" at 16-17 year old. Which means they are set out on the street with a few belongings to fend for themselves. This will happen to our Denis in September when he returns, and Lena next year.

Only 20% of these children survive until their 20th birthday without dying, being in forced crime rings or sold into human trafficking. This is what fuels the internet porn and international prostitution industries! Many, MANY, MANY of these suductive images are not produced voluntarily! Some of these girls are under 10 year old!  Think about that the next time you decide to be a perv! These brave souls deserve better. Far better! They have done nothing to deserve less! The orphan crisis is our Holocaust and we should be ashamed that we have looked the other way this long. None of us have any right to ever say "how could they have let that happen!?".  There are more slaves in the world now than at any time in history. How could we let this happen?

You can help.
http://reecesrainbow.org/