Faaaaaast Forward: Home Forever 7 Months

Well, I have not blogged in many months because, it seems at times, things move at warp speed and other times I just can't wait for a long, slow day to be over! But here we find ourselves with our 2 new addition home 7 months. We planned for 3 new additions, but sadly it didn't work out that way. After a long, hard fought battle to get them home from Ukraine before Dominic (formerly Denys or Dennis) turned 18, we made it home with only 10 days to spare, we have had even a harder fought battle for adjustment. Everyone said the adoption process was the easy part. I didn't believe them. I do now. 

After saying yes to adoption the reality of what that actually meant didn't hit them until after court in Ukraine. With hubby doing the traveling alone, it made for tense moments in country and the fact that Russian aggression was moving into full swing while he was there didn't make it any easier! When they finally arrived "home" the greetings at the airport were exciting for everyone but them, especially Lina. She had gotten a major bought of "cold feet" even before court, but said "yes" and arrived very sad. Her grief pulled her very far under at times and it manifest itself in many different behavioral ways. And Dom's in even different ways. The first few months were hellish! But then the children we met during hosting, our children, began to emerge again. It is a very slow and tedious process at times, and with deep gratitude to our adoption counselor, we are slowly forming our new "normal". At times I wasn't sure we were going to make it through and come out on the other end as "family". But we are and we will.

Inside this new normal is new perspective. Seeing the world and life through their eyes and the eyes of many Ukrainian orphan, has continually been life changing for me. The questions they have, their perspective on life as WE know it, are difficult, fresh and eye opening and blinding at the same time. In future blogs I hope to address some of these eye opening in sites. Follow along if you like. I encourage you to read my past posts, especially the first one as it contains my disclaimer. I am honest with my feelings, and experiences, blunt, I have offended and I will surely offend again! 


I have come to realize even more that the Starfish I set out to save have indeed saved me and everything I need to know I learned from orphans.

Hosting Orphans~Adopting from Ukr@ian

Well, I haven't written a blog post in over a month. I will recap our month since the kids returned to Ukr@ine. we asked them before they left if they wanted to be adopted and become a part of our family forever. They weren't sure at first, especially Dennis. It is a difficult decision for them, as hard is that is for us to understand! They are being asked if they want the leave everything and everyone they have ever know for a new country, new family and friends and a new language. Not to mention they have no one to help them make this life altering decision and they have very little reason to trust us or anyone else.

About 2 weeks after they left we got a message from Lina that they both want to be adopted and come to America forever! We were elated! Tears, tears!! We had also been introduced to another 15 year old boy who desperately needs a family, Myk. He is in a different orphanage, but same region as our 2, so adding him to our adoption wasn't too difficult. With the "yeses" from D & L and a 3rd kid chosen and LOTS of prayer and counsel we began the 6-7 month process to adopt! We have been entrenched in paperwork and fundraising. They are truly daunting task! Especially the fundraising! We need +$40,000, not counting loss of income when hubby travels to Ukr@ine for over a month.

We have encountered some negativity, and plain ole just being ignored by some, but mostly prayers and moral support. We pray hearts and wallets will be opened :-) . We are trusting God to provide the money and we are doing a couple fundraisers. The most promising one at the moment is a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle made from a photo of the kids.

For a $10 tax deductible donation to our adoptions we will write your name on the back of 1 piece(per $10 donation): 
C & C Lucas Adopting from Ukr@aine
Or  Copy & Paste this link to your browser:

https://www.networkforgood.org/donation/ExpressDonation.aspx?ORGID2=58-1703392&vlrStratCode=gVUbCDDZpWUZlHT3RrUrpsIKL%2bSp568DzRGZMJVX0xxp14WthMurI%2b9Fr6Zj4x%2ba

 "Buy" as many pieces as you like! PLEASE DENOTE the donation is for C & C Lucas adopting from Ukr@ain!!

Our home study will be complete and sent to our agency by the end of the week. We will then submit to USCIS for homeland security clearance to adopt internationally. Once that is approved (2-4 weeks) we can submit our dossier (legal packet) the Ukr@aine for approval (7-13 week wait) and then we will be give a travel date to go to U for the kid's files and a court date can be set. LOTS of paperwork, notarizing and apostilling(Google it :-) ) ahead!! This all needs covered with prayer and positive thoughts!!

We are asked by some "Why adopt teenagers from Ukraine!?" Here is our motivation: After 16, EE orphans are deemed ineligible for adoption UNLESS you are adopted with a younger sibling(our D & M). FACTS: Statistically, when a child ages out of the orphanage at 16, 60% of girls will end up in prostitution just to feed themselves and/or Human Trafficking, 70% of boys will be on the streets or in jail, and 15% will commit suicide within the first two years on their own. 

We hope it motivates others. We cannot personally save them all. But I know of 3 we can. And who knows the far reaching impact of the connections we are making on this journey.

Our Dennis "aged out" of the orphanage this weekend and was sent to a "trade school" in a very dangerous city that is a hot bed of human trafficking. Yes, even boys are kidnapped and sold into slavery. He is scared, we are scared and currently have no way of contacting him. We hope to get him a cell phone through our adoption facilitator in U. Again, this costs money and we are hoping donations pick up! We must come up with over $6500 in the next month to keep everything moving. We are on a very tight time frame with Dennis, as he turns 18 next April and will no longer be able to be adopted. Also, M will turn 16 next May and will become ineligible for adoption because he doesn't have a younger sibling. We are literally playing "beat the clock"! Also, Lena and Myk started another year of school without a momma and daddy to buy them school clothes or supplies, send them off with a hug or have a snack waiting and help with homework. We pray the fate of the 3 orphans will be vastly different this time next year!

Hosting Orphans~The Day After and Two Empty Beds

Two empty beds. That is the physical evidence left here of our month with Denis and Lena. They showed up here a little over a month ago with nothing and they left very little behind. I hope they took a whole lot more than 50 pounds of of clothing and gifts stuffed in rolling duffles and heavy backpacks with them. Although the beds are empty here I know the hearts are full!! Lots of hearts! Old hearts, young hearts, baby hearts. Maybe even a few changed hearts. On both side of the ocean. Isn't that what it's really all about? The hearts.

I woke up this morning and sent some prayers and positive thoughts out for them knowing they were touching down in Ukr@ine. I was doing well until I went to wake up Levi and Bella, to try and get a routine going before school start tomorrow. And there they were. Two empty beds. I could barely make it back to my room before I lost it! I knew this was going to be difficult. Be I did not expect to feel this grief for them. I hope they know how much they are loved! I do not want them to feel overwhelmingly sad. But I do want them to feel what they need to feel in order to make the right choices here. 

Do they miss those beds? I hope so. I realize it may take a while, but we do not have a lot of time to play with! The dynamics of their situation, and all kids raised in orphanages, are difficult to understand. Even though they live in a kind of bondage, they have a kind of freedom we don't understand also. They self parent and are very close to their piers in the orphanage. They are siblings.  So even though it is not a "home", it is all they know. And for the older ones the decision to leave there permanently is a HUGE one. It is equivalent to walking away from family. We have spoken with people who have been adopted and they said they struggled with guilt for leaving the other kids behind. And seeing what a caregivers they are, especially Denis, I can't imagine how difficult it is to give us an answer on being adopted. But if we do not here form him soon the answer will automatically be no because we will run out of time before he turns 18. I pray he gets a clear revelation of their future really soon! The thought of him becoming homeless in September, even for 1 night before making this decision is to much for me to think about!

I hope this new day as they sat foot back on their home soil will bring clarity and answers for them both. May everything look different to them now now that they have something to compare it to. May they understand how loved they are. May they feel the warm thoughts and prayers being sent (please send!). May everything they see remind them of us. May they fell our love. May the memories flood their mind every time they look at their photo books or catch a familiar smell. May their dreams be filled with their time here. 

May they miss the two empty beds.

Hosting Orphans~2 Days and The Big Picture

Reflecting on today, the last week and and this whole month I cannot believe how things can change so quickly. So quickly! An instant. Words can be exchanged and relationships altered forever. Be it lovely vows or hurtful word. Maybe even an unintended, but wrongly taken look, smirk or tone of voice. One week we may be eagerly awaiting dinner out with friends on a much needed Friday night, and a few later we are watching an orphan teach our son how to pop wheelies in our driveway. Things, people, attitudes, lives, times; they all change. But can we trust the change? I don't know. Do I need to believe we can? I do.

The last month has brought bigger change to our house than we ever could have imagined! When we picked Denis & Lena up at the airport late on June 26th we had no idea 1 short, no long, no short, no long, no...WHATEVER! month later we would be so eager to ask them to join our family. We have had a month of getting to know each other, spending time, bonding, doing very normal family things. We had to do the necessary, but fun (except to our wallet) things, like shopping for clothes and groceries. Lots of groceries. We also found ways to show them a good time without building up their expectations of us, or further skewing their view of America or especially of love, and without further stressing our wallet. Those are the things they enjoyed the most. We visited "Papa" at the fire station and got boat rides on the canal, the boys enjoyed bike riding and fishing, lots of swimming, good old fashion driveway basketball, drawing, listening to music and just running around looking for free things to do. Together. We all enjoyed those things the most too! There may be a few things in there we have lost site of and need to refocus our attention. 

Returning to Ukr@ine in just 2 days. There are a couple things I don't like about even typing that! Well more than a couple, but I'll be brief. First, having to veil my words in case the wrong person or powers that be were to stumble onto this little ole blog. That's right you would not believe the scrutiny and danger this hosting program and international adoption is constantly under. It is truly unbelievable! We have been educated, warned and begged and pleaded with to be careful not to do anything to jeopardize these kids, the program or the future of international adoption and orphan care. Not just by this organization, but by others I follow. It's difficult to think that the world is not peaceful and free. But it by no means is. Which is another reason I hate writing "Returning to Ukr@ine". I know some don't believe it can be that bad. Okay.

Because it by no means is peaceful and free, what can we do to further that cause? Do we rescue children? Certainly. What if they don't want rescued? Our 2 are old enough, over 8 years old in U, to decide if they want to be adopted. We do not know what they will say. They do not know what to say. They have been abused, neglected, un-parented and God know what all of their lives. Then they are plopped down in the middle of paradise (to them), but without anyone or anything they know. The are totally ignorant of their own fate, of their own government, their own condition and that of the world and it's dangers in general. How can they make this decision? What if they say "no"? As much as I do not want to think about this, it is a real possibility. What can I tell myself to make ME feel better about them saying "no". To them turning down what could very possibly be the difference between life and death, slavery and freedom. 

Today I must believe their is a big picture. Today. They will leave on Monday after only 1 month with us. If they never return to us have we given them enough to meet the goal we had when we decided to host. The lofty goal of seed planting. Tiny seeds of love and hope that they can take back and show to their friends and perhaps future children that they would never have know had they not come here? Is a month enough to show 2 teens how to break the cycle of abuse and neglect with love a patience? Are they stronger than they were before they came? Can they go back and stand up and do better and be better than the previous generation in Ukr@aine has done? Over 300 orphans, abandoned and broken children were hosted this year from 3 countries. As difficult is to send them back and even more difficult to think they will say "No" to returning to us, is "The Big Picture" going to be positively affected by their remaining in their own countries? Is it ridiculous to even think that a month is enough to make a difference in someone's life! We have 18 years to raise our own children and look around at how that turns out at times. Maybe we take time for granted. Is this how we change the world for the better? A bit at time least? It's easy to want to change to world, but to raise kid's and send the out to change the world is a difficult thing to do. Whether you've had a month or 18 years. 

I promise this, I will fight for these kids with all that I have within me no matter where they are! Just like I would my very own flesh and  blood!   

My, how quickly things change.

Hosting Orphans~NEXT Monday, in 6 days, less than a week..

..2 of "my" children will get on a plain and return to Ukr@ine.

I had no idea we would fall so in love with these kids. I also know I can say safely "we". I can at least speak for the 4 people that live in this house and am fully confident in several others! I will be eternally grateful for this. Who doesn't want everyone to love "their" children. When I first found out about this whole orphan hosting opportunity I didn't really know what to expect; of hosting, of orphans, of other people or of myself. I have gotten way more than I have bargained from from all of the above! Some good, some not so good. As always. And as always, I will probably focus on both.

Back to my expectations. Which are always high. Sometimes fortunately, sometimes... not so much. I know  that not everyone (outside this house) was on board, understood, nor cared about hosting orphan, orphans in general, changing the world etc... But for those that have supported us, maybe in spite of  how they felt (or didn't feel) about it, we thank you! And for those of us who have truly come to love these "kids", and by kids I mean teens, I doubly thank you! It is not easy to love teens! It's difficult to love our own sometimes. It is. Admit it. But people who have spent time with Denis and Lena somehow just understand. Maybe it's because they love us. Maybe they see their plight. Maybe the thought of Denis being homeless a month after he returns to his orphanage is reality when you look at this beautiful, funny, playful boy with a cute accent struggling to speak English. It can be difficult to actually stare reality in the face. As it should be. Maybe if we had to do it more often things would change.

But in less than a week they have to go back. LESS THAN. That just now stuck out to me. Are they? Less than? They are not. They are lovely. They are deserving. Just like any one of our kids. Any one of your kids. They are all they same. We are all they same. No one is more deserving. But they have to go back. We can not legally keep them here and that totally stinks and I do not know how I'm going to be able to a handle it! Am I going to fall apart? I am. But I will survive. Have I done enough? I have not. Can I do enough. I cannot. Not in a week. Maybe not in a lifetime. But I hope I get that chance. I hope we get that chance.

There are days I feel defeated. That describes the last couple days. I do try. At times I feel like I cannot do enough. That there is not enough. I am too small and the problems are too big and the harder I try there will be people around the corner to blindside me and distract me from important things. I hate letting myself become distracted and hurt and discouraged. But I am. I want to build walls, but if I do can the important stuff get in. How is it possible to filter out the unimportant and stay focused on the important. Does it matter. Are things just too far gone to be saved. Are there too many starfish and not enough people who care. Is that why people had rather focus on things that distract rather than working together and laying aside our own pain to heal someone else's. I think we can only be healed by healing each other. Maybe I'm wrong. But do I want to be healed by all myself or do I want to see the world  healed too. Can we all be healed and whole? I don't know. But we all choose to either be a healer or a distraction. Sometimes it's easier to distract. Distract from the pain and harsh reality of life. But sometimes it needs faced. Head-on. If we live in distraction and drama, trying to numb reality, nothing will get done. Nothing will get better and no one will be healed. If we all work together we all can be healed. It's a daily, sometimes minute by minute choice.

Sometimes we do need a little distraction from the pain. Some fun. Beauty. But not at another's expense. We should hold each other in high regard. Treat each other the way we want to be treated. Weather it's our neighbor, brother, sister, mom, an orphan, the inconsiderate driver  or someone you are selling something to on craigslist.

We can be distracted, a distraction or a healer. Our choice. And it matters. I must believe it matters.



The Starfish Story - 
There was a young man walking down a deserted beach just before dawn. In the distance he saw a frail old man. As he approached the old man, he saw him picking up stranded starfish and throwing them back into the sea. The young man gazed in wonder as the old man again and again threw the small starfish from the sand to the water. He asked, "Old man, why do you spend so much energy doing what seems to be a waste of time." The old man explained that the stranded starfish would die if left in the morning sun. "But there must be thousands of beaches and millions of starfish!"exclaimed the young man. "How can you make any difference?" The old man looked at the small starfish in his hand and as he threw it to the safety of the sea, he said, "It makes a difference to this one!".
-Author unknown

Hosting Orphans~11 More Days

Yesterday was much anticipated, especially by Lena, "salon day".  Which only meant they were getting a hair cut. But she was looking so very forward to it. We had looked at pictures on-line all week for a hairstyle she liked, with no clear winner by the time we got there. So Denis went first. We looked at books and she tried to communicate what she had in mind. She has very fuzzy hair. Not curly, and not manageable I have learned. She wanted a sleek style. I wanted her to understand that the stylist could achieve that, but just for the day. I became very difficult to explain to her that once she washed her hair it was going to go back to frizzy and that a straightening iron was not a permanent solution (no, she will not have access to one back at the orphanage). The language barrier was not helping so I suggested calling the translator, which is always available to us. But she has resisted this the whole time she has been here. I realized that for some reason she she thinks she is in trouble when I suggest calling the translator. At this point at the salon it appears she is going to have a total melt down, as only teen girls can. Tears start to well up in her eyes, she puts her hair back into a ponytail and say "no, no hair cut". Then I see it. The woundedness. The fear. I do not know this precious girl's story of why she ended up in a Ukr@inian orphanage 6 years ago, but what she is carrying is heavy and very ugly. I can see physical scars, but the pain and emotional scars are deep. The translator is a woman (a nice woman) and she shuts down every time she has to speak to her. She was willing not to get her hair cut, after being so excited about it, rather than risking upsetting me, the stylist or the translator. When I saw this pain in her eyes it broke my heart.

I managed to calm her and love her through it. But at one point when I felt her resistance to me. When I could acutely feel her pain, I wanted to run away. It brought up pain in me, old wounds. It is difficult to stand with someone, especially when you are doing something "nice" for them, at tell them it's ok, you will not leave them. You will not judge them. When you know it is coming from such a place of pain. There was no brattiness or entitlement there. Just a raw soul with nowhere to hide. I could tell she wanted to hide. I wanted to hide. All I could do was hug her and Google translate "Momma just wants Lena to have fun", "don't be upset", "it's ok". She did calm down and get her hair done. I called the translator later at had her explain how much I loved her and that when I suggest calling her it doesn't mean she is in trouble, just that we need better communication at that time. She seemed better after that.

Everyone has a story. There most certainly are people who are self centered because they have had too much attention and have always been lead to believe that the universe revolves around them! This monster does not need fed. But those who have been deprived of healthy affection, attention and attentiveness (which could also include the over materially indulged), and have suffered abuse need to be given a big doses love and affection. The only antidote I know to abuse and neglect is love. Real "I will stick with you and hug you through the pain" kinda love. I just wish I had more that a month to give that to Denis and Lena. But I only have 11 more day until I have to put them on a plain and send them back. I hope I have made a difference. That WE have made a difference. The hugs. Pedicures with new sisters.  Fishing and golf with new brothers.  Hair cuts. Cousins. Rides in sports cars. Sketch pads. Shopping. Pizza. Coats. Red shoes. Tooth Fairy money. Swims. Bike rides. Endless trips to the "supermarket". Papa at the firehouse. Late night roughhousing. Laughter. Lots of laughter.

Many tears.

Hosting Orphans~Balance, Boogers and Ignorance

In two weeks and two day we put them on a plain and send them back. How? After just a short time with them I see their resilience, their strength. But where is mine!? What will I do? How can I find balance now. Is there balance? Will I ever go a day, a minute without thinking, praying, wondering how they are, where they are? I hope not. I do not want to return to "normal". I cannot. I can no longer bury my head in my own little world and believe that it encompasses THE world, or THE world encompasses it. I will not. I will make a conscience effort not to. I will keep myself aware of the hurt and need of other. I will give. I will ask. I will seek. I will bug other to do so too. But I will find balance.

The first few days of hosting was very emotionally raw. The reality hit home of lives unlike ours. Orphans were given faces. Then we settled in and fell in love. Then grief came and we prayed for joy. To be able to live in the moment. Joy came. Much joy!  Denis can be quite the clown. Lina is opening up day by day. He enjoy his new English sentence "Lena eats boogers". We all do to, except Lena. Then during our English lesson on Thursday Lena comes out with "Denis is stoopid"(no idea where she learned it!). But accent included, I swear she sounded like she was from Jersey! Again laughter!!

There will be laughter. But I know it is worthless with out recognizing and validating the tears. Just as wealth is useless without recognition and relief of poverty. One is meant to relieve the other. Not to ignore it. We much reach a balance of using the positive to relive the negative in our lives, not to ignore it. Ignorance relives nothing.

Ignorant no more.